13 April 2011

Last few days

Hello Again,

Well my last couple days I had been depressed but I have achieved a few goals.

I got up early around 6am, talked to Allan some before he left to help Bryan do a yard. I put clean dishes away and added more to the dishwasher; and walked to the mailbox and got my paper; I cut some of our flowers and put them in a vase. Read emails and replied to them, but I was down it is something you cannot shake off, I then read some Christian Blogs and enjoyed them but still didnt change anything but I knew it has to pass sooner or later and its good to recognize it now and how to deal with it, No I am not saying I put on happy face and pretend it aint happening cause thats lying to yourself, what I mean is take notice that it is happening and do what you can do to get your mind off of it; such as quoting scriptures to yourself or hum ya favourite Christian tune or go about what your doing and don't dwell on it,Yes I agree its a monkey on the back but shut the monkey up by not listening to it.No I am not saying its easy I will never say that!! and I will not say think Happy Thoughts but if it helps you then good go for it!! but it doesnt for me when I am down. Everybody is different! Anyway Monday was not a good day for me and I am posting these to show you the days I am down as well as those that are up.

I woke up and thought to myself I need to get up but I didnt want to so I rolled over and went back to sleep and it was 12:15pm before I finally got out of bed, I put clothes on to wash and then finally hung them outside, then I chatted to a friend on Yahoo from my hometown in Texas and we chatted up to what seems 2 hours straight and catching up on things back there, I was glad to hear some of the oldies still alive even though I may not get to see them again but I have wonderful memories. Later I made me something to eat even though it wasnt healthy haha. Now I know some of us eat when we are down and I admit sometimes I am like this and sometimes I am opposite. Later I brought the clothes in and my wife called and asked what we were going to do about Tea and I said I dont know and that I was down and she was very supportive and understands. Well when she got home we decided it was Fish & Chips and I got a Banana Fritter too, and we went to Mums and ate our Fish and Chips and watched t.v with her, afterwards we discussed rather Delwyn would stay another night or what was happening, so yes Delwyn stayed the night there with Mum. Delwyn brought me back home and I ordered the book on Depression that David Murray wrote,I look forward to reading that later I decided  to make up the bed and later went to bed and the smell of clean bedspread and sheets - ahhh nice and they smell of the sunshine, cant be beat, I read a book,prayed and then finally turned the light off and went to sleep.

This morning was the same I was still down and I was getting very annoyed about it but I carried on with what I do.I come into the livingroom and saw the newspaper and Delwyn's pillow on top of that, I thought that means she will be staying home tonight - Woot woot!! Even though I was down that made me smile =).  I got on the computer and noticed alot of the virsuses going on and read something on how they are now getting into games so I decided nope I aint taking any chances so I removed all the games, also warned others of them. Later I read some Christian blogs and chatted to some friends and even my cousin which is always nice. Allan went and helped Bryan finished this big yard and came back as Bryan continued with the other lawn jobs.
Later Allan wanted to use my credit card so he could get some groceries and when he returned he bought me Weight Watchers ginger kiss, its a ginger muffin bar with a creamy filling, they are good but I may have to stop getting them cause I want to eat them all the time. haha!
Well Delwyn made it home and I did a quick Tea(Dinner or Supper) whatever you want to call it! and now I am writing this and watching tv with my lovely wife while she knits away on a light blue sweater with dark blue diamonds for a child that she will sell at the market sometimes. My depression is more leveled at the moment which is good, I can put up with level and high but being low can really be dragging, heres another example I can be high for a whole week but even all those high days cannot even out with one down day thats how drastic it can be. When I first went to the doctor to tell him even though I didnt want too as I thought Oh what can they do I been through all this before, but let me tell you this You know how people are all different well just because one Psychologist treated you one way another one will take a different angle or approach, not that either of them were wrong just one didnt work for you and you can always asked the one your with that you would like to change and they will not take offense. I found my first one a bit annoying but my last one here in New Zealand was great I did at first think everything was a bit odd but I thought no I want to give him a chance and I did and He was very helpful in everything he suggested.
Anyway thats all for these few days. I pray tomorrow will be a better day but whatever comes my way I will get through the storm cause I know the Sun is shining somewhere and I will see it again. I also want to say that through this all I am most Thankful for God for sending people my way to help me and also for my wonderful family and friends!! I do plan on writing some more about my depression and the odd things I did at the beginning and how I was.

God Bless

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