23 April 2010

Day of Mixed Emotions

/*H*/owdy Everyone,

/*T*/hursday was a day of mixed emotions, I didn’t want to go to the Psychologist cause the last time I went I felt as though I was being rushed through, but I told my wife I have no interest of going cause all he gonna do is rush me through it and plus I know he is going to talk about the schedule thing which I did once and it blew out of the water, what I mean is that I had planned my day out and it went well for the first part of it then something unexpected happened and it all came crushing down and I got discourage to try it again even though I tell myself that I have to learn to expect the unexpected.

/*A*/nyway i went to the Psychologist and yes I did get the lecture on scheduling and we also discussed things and he said he reconize that I am still struggling with negative thoughts about myself and things I have heard my dad say to me in the past that didn’t help me postively. Negative thoughts such as I don’t amount to anything, I am useless, cant do anything right and so forth; so my Psychologist recommends I write down postive things about myself or recording on my cellphone and listen to myself saying more postive things; my wife as gone as far as asking family members to tell me postive things. Anyway after talking with him I told him I would get into the scheduling thing again, so keep me in prayer on this.

/*L*/ater on after returning home I got on the computer and was looking forward to writing on tumblr and also trying to figure it out, Bryan came over and gave me a hand at it but the computer was being so slow at a dial up speed I was getting overly frusterated enough to put my fist through it, anyway finally I gave up and did other things such as preparing supper which went flop as also I was receiving a phone call from a website that I am helping with, telling them if I thought something was useful or not useful and what I thought etc which is realated to depression also anyway I really was still frusterated with the computer being slowas and didn’t feel like talking but I did with the help of my wife and it was the last called and I told them what I thought and etc and they thanked me an hour later and said they would be sending me $60.00 voucher; so that was nice of them. Oh and thanks to Bryan & Kylee for letting me use their computer while talking to the website.

/*W*/ell my wife helped me cook Tea which was good as she knew I was frusterated with our computer, later she asked me if I wanted to go with her to the musical practice and I said might as well as I wasn’t getting anywhere with the computer lol so i went and did some reading with a book I bought the other day called ” Hell’s Best Kept Secret” with Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron from the Christian Radio show ” Way of the Master” I surely miss it as I don’t seem to find it anymore, but they still have “Wretched with Todd Friel” but I never have been able to watch much of it due to as it drags the high speed down to dial up, any video for that matter will drag it down which is annoying but oh well its Internet Life. Anyway I read that and listen to the people sing which I thought they were doing good and also got to hear my favourite hymn “How Great Thou art” at the end of a song they were singing.

/*A*/lso I forgot to mention I saw my psychiatrist for a short time and he up’d my dose of medicine to a stronger dose hopefully it will be helpful and not make me fall asleep like I did the last time. I talked with Mrs.Boyd and others at the music practice, they asked how I was doing and etc. I told them I am slowly improving and told them what I had to do such as scheduling and etc.

/*A*/fterwards we came home and watched a little tv and I tried the computer again and it went a little faster which was nice, I went to bed late which was stupid on my behalf but I will improve. Anyway thats it for my Thursday notes, I hope you can understand what I am going on about. Please leave a comment if ya read this, have any questions please feel free to ask.

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